Journalling for communication
hello!
i remember as a young teenager having a secret diary that i would hide under my mattress in fear someone might read something that was so close and personal.I think journaling is something we all have dabbled in at times whether its a child writing about there secret crush on a class mate or writing down your favourite memories and experiences so not to forget them.
Journalling has become much more than the cheesy entries from my youth, it is now a way of (hopefully) communicating with my alters. Ive always had a slight obsession with stationary and note books, so i took full advantage of needing a fancy new notebook to journal in - not that i already own a ton of unused ones. When i first agreed to start keeping a journal and to allow all of my selves to write in it i felt incredibly vulnerable and nervous regarding what i may read back.
For about a year i refused to look back at the entries from my alters as for some time i lived in a bliss ignorance of pretending i did not have DID. i would go about my day pretending the doctors had made it up, got it wrong, and that everyone forgets days at a time and can't recall eating the 5 bags of hairbo i found empty on the floor. I just wanted to be 'normal' whatever that is. When i finally lifted my head out of my favourite place to bury it (the sand) i started to read maybe 1 or 2 entries a day, to get a feel and to have some knowledge of what the others had been up to in my absence. To my surprise, it was easier than i thought, and much less scary than i originally anticipated. Im not sure what i was expecting or so worried about, maybe some great big green monster to come out and eat me? well it didn't.
On coming across my first entry written by another alter the thing that stood out was the incredible contrast of handwriting compared to my own. I was freaked out, spooked and so confused of how my handwriting could change so drastically. Once i placed the fear aside it actually occurred to me when looking at the various different handwriting entires that it is quite incredible and an amazing thing to see. It was almost as if i could sense the type of person they were from the style and content of what they wrote. Handwriting is such a personal and distinct trade mark of a person that i slowly began to realise that my alters had there own personal and distinct traits just like myself.
I have now started journalling directly to my alters, addressing them by name and trying so hard to have some continuity and build a relationship with those who reside inside of me.
i remember as a young teenager having a secret diary that i would hide under my mattress in fear someone might read something that was so close and personal.I think journaling is something we all have dabbled in at times whether its a child writing about there secret crush on a class mate or writing down your favourite memories and experiences so not to forget them.
For about a year i refused to look back at the entries from my alters as for some time i lived in a bliss ignorance of pretending i did not have DID. i would go about my day pretending the doctors had made it up, got it wrong, and that everyone forgets days at a time and can't recall eating the 5 bags of hairbo i found empty on the floor. I just wanted to be 'normal' whatever that is. When i finally lifted my head out of my favourite place to bury it (the sand) i started to read maybe 1 or 2 entries a day, to get a feel and to have some knowledge of what the others had been up to in my absence. To my surprise, it was easier than i thought, and much less scary than i originally anticipated. Im not sure what i was expecting or so worried about, maybe some great big green monster to come out and eat me? well it didn't.
On coming across my first entry written by another alter the thing that stood out was the incredible contrast of handwriting compared to my own. I was freaked out, spooked and so confused of how my handwriting could change so drastically. Once i placed the fear aside it actually occurred to me when looking at the various different handwriting entires that it is quite incredible and an amazing thing to see. It was almost as if i could sense the type of person they were from the style and content of what they wrote. Handwriting is such a personal and distinct trade mark of a person that i slowly began to realise that my alters had there own personal and distinct traits just like myself.
I have now started journalling directly to my alters, addressing them by name and trying so hard to have some continuity and build a relationship with those who reside inside of me.
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