who am i?

hello!


Although the question of "who am i?" may seem some what obvious to most, to myself it is a question i ask everyday yet can not simply give an answer. Everyone in the world has different parts to there personality. We have the self that is professional and goes to work presenting as a well rounded adult who has everything under control. We have the more insecure and doubtful self who appears when we may be applying for a promotion that we feel maybe we don't deserve or able to achieve. When with one group of friends we may act completely different than with another. This is completely normal and is in our make up of who we are. We are not just the professional and not just the person who goes out on a Friday night to the bar. We are ALL of these. We are AWARE of all of these sides to our personality.


For someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) things are a little different. I still have all of those sides to me, the more mature, the fun, social and defensive but i am not aware of them. For someone with DID there is a barrier, a amnesic wall that was put up between them all. The wall was not built out of conscious effort but out of survival and a need to maintain a level of functioning when faced with trauma as a very young child.

As children our brain is not fully formed and has no sense of self. As this small child is subjected to horrific trauma a part of the brain cuts off, making another self to possibly take the trauma apposed to the original child. When this happens again and again more splitting happens, that child develops more parts (alters.) These alters may be a different age, have a different name or maybe a different gender, and continues to develop alongside the child forming there own likes dislikes and beliefs about the world.


So when asking the question "who am i?" i can't answer with one simple answer.

I am me. I am them. I am us.