I'm embarrassed by my alters
hello!
I have 4 alters and 3 out of those 4 alters fill me with embarrassment (luckily one does a pro job at just being 'me' but better) I go from being a normal functioning 23 year old to an inconsolable 6 year old who can only be soothed by dogs and the film tangled. Im a moody teenager that isn't afraid to say whats on her mind, whether its wanted or not and looks at everything and everyone in either disgust, intrigue or just with a moody teenage face. At the site of dinosaurs I'm happy and free with no trauma memories and just a love of play doh and drawing giraffes.
I could die of embarrassment - because right then at that moment when someone has told me about what has just happened dying really does seem more appealing, less painful and filled with much less embarrassment. On reflection I know this is ridiculous but at that moment in time the embarrassment fills my entire body, the adrenaline racing, and heart sinking.
I allow this shame and embarrassment to control my actions, avoiding certain places, and not watching certain films in fear of causing a switch.
I allow this shame and embarrassment stop me from being honest and open to friends and family, I have to lie to those I care about and blame young children in the family for the play doh in the carpet.
I desperately want these feelings to go away, and I know this will only happen by accepting these parts of me. I hope one day I will no longer be embarrassed by who I am - who we are.
I have 4 alters and 3 out of those 4 alters fill me with embarrassment (luckily one does a pro job at just being 'me' but better) I go from being a normal functioning 23 year old to an inconsolable 6 year old who can only be soothed by dogs and the film tangled. Im a moody teenager that isn't afraid to say whats on her mind, whether its wanted or not and looks at everything and everyone in either disgust, intrigue or just with a moody teenage face. At the site of dinosaurs I'm happy and free with no trauma memories and just a love of play doh and drawing giraffes.
I could die of embarrassment - because right then at that moment when someone has told me about what has just happened dying really does seem more appealing, less painful and filled with much less embarrassment. On reflection I know this is ridiculous but at that moment in time the embarrassment fills my entire body, the adrenaline racing, and heart sinking.
I allow this shame and embarrassment to control my actions, avoiding certain places, and not watching certain films in fear of causing a switch.
I allow this shame and embarrassment stop me from being honest and open to friends and family, I have to lie to those I care about and blame young children in the family for the play doh in the carpet.
I desperately want these feelings to go away, and I know this will only happen by accepting these parts of me. I hope one day I will no longer be embarrassed by who I am - who we are.
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