How to support a friend with dissociative identity disorder

Hello 

First things first, they are still the exact same person as they were before they told you about their DID. Try not to be scared or worried and certainly don’t be judgemental. Your friend has taken a huge step in telling you and they trust you very much. 

Please, be open minded, willing and even curious. If your friend has took the leap in telling you then more than likely they will be willing to answer any questions you may have. These do not include “do you turn into a evil monster like in that film?” 

Ask how you can help them, what to do if an alter was present and any other questions you think will help you better understand.  Below are some common questions I have been asked and my response. 

What shall I do if you dissociate and an alter is present? 

Just be you, relax and dont worry. Ask if they want to tell you there name and whether they know your name and who you are. You can carry on what your doing if age appropriate and you both want to. Just relax and get to know them for who they are. 

What if a young part is present? 

You should treat them the same as you would anyone their age. Ask their interests and if they want to play or draw. They may not be able to do things like your friend when they are preset. If you are out they may need help with handling money and being careful when crossing a road. 

Do you want me to tell you when you come back?

YES! PLEASE! I spend so much time not knowing what i/we have done so to be told who was present and what they got up to is a welcome change. There dosnt need to be a step by step run down of what happened, just a “hey so and so was just out for about an hour and we had some ice cream” 

How do I make you come back?

Unfortunately there is no magic spell. If there is a negative trigger then their is no saying how long that part may be present as they are needed right at that moment and will only leave when safety is established. If a positive trigger has influenced a switch then that part may just want to buy that thing in the shop or watch that film and then leave. 

Its an incredible scary and vulnerable position to be in when telling a friend you have dissociative identity disorder because you do not know if they are willing to accept all of you, but what I do know is that if a friend does not want to understand, learn and accept ALL of me then unfortunately I wont be able to continue the friendship. Its all of me or none of me.