to the lady who saved me...

To the lady who saved me, 

Its October 2012, and in 5 day’s time I will come to you to finally share my biggest darkest secret. I am frightened and I am alone, I have no one else who can help. I spend all week thinking how to tell you and how to build up the courage to do so. I will sit outside my class, staring into the dark computer screen. I begin to write. Each word filling me with terror, each sentence becoming harder and harder. It will take me 4 hours, 4 hours to write only a few sentences. 4 sentences that will change my life forever. I will spend an hour listening to the Taylor swift song safe and sound over and over again trying to convince myself that it will be ok and no one will be able to hurt me again. 

When I give you this letter you will respond with silence, a silence that is so loud and painful to hear, a gentle nod and a ‘thank you for sharing’ You will leave the room, probably scared, concerned and feelings out of your depth. 

From the moment you walked back in, I knew my life was never going to be the same. Your kindness and compassion, your ability to brighten anyone’s day allowed me to trust, it allowed me to feel worth, it helped me realise my life didn’t have to be that way. 

Things were not made instantly easier, I did not feel much safer or loved but I felt enough of a relief to know I had done the right thing. 

It has taken me 6 years to truly get back on my feet. 6 years of pain, 6 years of trying again and again. I have felt scared, I have felt alone, I have felt regret, relief, despair and joy but the most profound and deepest feelings are love and gratefulness. 

One word is not enough to tell you how I truly feel, this type of love cannot be described, its woven into who I am, you will always be a part of me because without you I would not be who I am today. 

You saved my life and most of all, you saved my future.