yin and yang

Hello! 

We all have our own ways of managing, our own different ways of getting on with our life. Sometimes we manage well sometimes not so much. 

These last few months have been incredibly challenging. Sometimes I have managed well and sometimes not. Unhealthy coping mechanisms have been used, future plans put on hold and defeat being admitted. However, alongside this, self care has been used, journals been written in and progress being made. 

It's all swings and roundabouts, yin and Yang the good and the bad. Life isn't all black or all white, it's often a murky grey right in the middle that is sometimes darker and sometime lighter. 

When having DID it's difficult to truly know how to feel, to truly know your thoughts. There's parts of me that understand life isn't all sunshine and Rosie's, there's parts of me that are in a deep dark hole and others so innocent and young that the world around them is still so new.

I've achieved good grades since returning to education, yet have been unable to attend class due to triggers and fear. 

Returning to education has been my number 1 goal since being diagnosed with DID as my initial thought after diagnosis was complete and utter doom, I thought my life was over and my plans for the future ruined.  My time in education may look a little different to others, but whose really dosnt. I may need extra help, time out of lessons, I may not even be mentally present during my time at college - alters may attend class on my behalf. Some days will be easier and some days will be harder but I'm not going to quit, im not giving in and the people from my past will not win.

"You work so hard just to end up at home crying yourself to sleep; remember you're trying, you are moving mountains that have plagued you since you were young, and you're trying so hard. Keep fighting, fight until you have won. Fight until you have found your way home, until the sun comes back and your heart learns to love mornings again"